Heartbreak is More Than Emotional Distress: It’s Real and Painful

Imagine a sword piercing your heart- the rush of pain, the overwhelming sense of loss.

Heartbreak feels just as real, not a myth or mere metaphor. Heartbreak truly breaks your heart.

Heartbreak is an inevitable truth of life. Our hearts get broken over the people we love, but sometimes the scars are so deep that moving on becomes unimaginable. Those scars chain you, suffocate you, and ultimately kill you. Let’s understand why heartbreak feels like heart-break.

Why Does Heartbreak Feel Like Physical Pain?

Scientific studies have shown that the emotional pain from heartbreak activates the same regions in the brain as physical pain. When a person experiences a breakup or rejection, key brain areas involved in pain processing, the anterior cingulate cortex and insula, become active. The ACC works with the insula to process aspects of pain (cognitive, emotional), and in the case of chronic pain, changes in neural connections are observed. The ACC is a plastic structure that can undergo changes in times of intense pain, affecting its ability to process pain effectively. The intense sensations of aching, tightness, or heaviness, which people describe as "heart hurts," is the product of the functioning of these two parts of the brain.

Broken Heart Syndrome: When Emotional Pain Becomes Physical

The emotional pain and tension associated with heartbreak also trigger powerful hormonal responses. We all know that stress hormones initiate the ‘fight-or-flight response’. Hormones like cortisol and adrenaline rise during such moments, increasing the strain on the cardiovascular system and leading to symptoms such as chest pain and shortness of breath. In some severe cases, this can lead to "broken heart syndrome" (medically known as takotsubo cardiomyopathy). 

Broken heart syndrome or stress cardiomyopathy is a temporary heart condition like a heart attack that is often triggered by extreme emotional stress. The heart’s pumping system becomes less efficient, resulting in symptoms like irregular heartbeats and chest pain. The name ‘takotsubo’ is derived from the Japanese term for ‘octopus trap,’ used to describe the abnormal balloon-like shape of one of the heart’s chambers during this condition. Broken heart syndrome is experienced more frequently by women, but men face a higher mortality rate. A possible reason is the lack of social support, improper stress management, and more severe triggers in men.

Moreover, heartbreak induces dopamine and oxytocin withdrawal, as romantic love stimulates the brain’s reward system. Think about the individuals who are addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling etc., they experience constant cravings to elevate their dopamine levels. Similarly, a lack of dopamine production can cause restlessness, cravings, and emotional dysregulation.

Beyond Breakups: Heartbreak After Loss

It is essential to note that, by heartbreak, we don’t just refer to breakups. We also refer to the loss of a spouse or partner. Loss of a spouse to illness, accidents, natural disasters etc., is painful and sometimes even more painful to deal with.

Some studies have revealed that romantic breakups can activate brain areas like the hippocampus and amygdala related to trauma, particularly for those who feel betrayed or did not initiate the breakup. This activation can result in similar responses seen after physical or sexual assault.

Common Symptoms of Heartbreak You Shouldn’t Ignore

Along with strong physical pain, restlessness, and emotional dysregulation, some other common symptoms of heartbreak include:

• Loss of interest in hobbies or other activities

• Reduced productivity in academics, work, and other areas

• Social withdrawal, isolating oneself, and avoiding family and friends

• Changes in appetite, eating too little, or binge eating

• Changes in sleep patterns

• Neglect of self-care

The aftermath of heartbreak is serious. We have seen many movies depicting how heartbreak changes the lives of characters, turning them into entirely different people. While this change can sometimes be positive, most of the time, the after-effect of heartbreak is negative.

The Long-Term Effects of Heartbreak

• Individuals can develop depression, anxiety, trust issues, and PTSD (especially in the case of a traumatic breakup, those involving infidelity, abuse, etc.)

• Increased cortisol hormones disrupt every major system in the body- immune system, cardiovascular system, digestive system etc. This results in physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, digestive issues, and even increased susceptibility to various illnesses.

• Broken heart syndrome may be temporary, but it can severely damage the heart muscle, making it weak.

• People develop unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, rebound relationships, engaging in risky behaviors, etc.

  
  

Heartbreak is painful. And the truth is- there is no cure for heartbreak. There is no way to prevent our hearts from breaking over the people we love. While that seems like a curse, that is what makes love a blessing- something magical……eternal. 

8 Ways to Heal and Cope With Heartbreak

Here are some ways in which you can deal better with heartbreak:

1. Grieve- 

   Take your time to grieve. Feel the pain, cry over it, accept it.  Experience your emotions rather than suppress them. Grieving is a vital part of healing.

2. Reach out- 

   Spend time with friends and family, the people who bring light into your lives. This will reduce feelings of loneliness and instill in you the belief that you have many who love you.  

   
   

3. Practice Self-Care- 

   Focus on yourself. Nutrition, good sleep, moderate exercise, hobbies, and activities that bring joy.

   
   

4. Set Boundaries- 

   You should be mindful of your relationship with your ex-partner; do you want them in your life or not? It is up to you. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be friends with your ex; at the same time, there is nothing wrong with being friends. You can limit contact with your ex-partner to avoid prolonging pain. The choice is yours, depending on your relationship and the kind of breakup experienced.

   
   

5. Engage in Healthy Distractions- 

   Distract yourself by pursuing new hobbies, creative outlets, or social events, which promote self-growth and confidence.

   
   

6. Relaxation techniques- 

   Mindfulness and meditation can help regulate emotions, reduce stress, and promote overall well-being.

   
   

7. Reflect and Learn- 

   Reflect on the relationship, not immediately, but after some months or maybe years. Reflect when you have gained some control over yourself. Understand yourself better, what you wish for in a partner, what went wrong in that relationship, and how you can improve to become a better partner next time. This will not only improve your next relationship but also transform you into a better human.

   
   

8. Professional Help- 

   Seek professional help if you’re facing severe symptoms post-heartbreak. Consult a medical practitioner in case of physical health issues such as broken heart syndrome, digestive issues, etc. If you are facing depression, anxiety, or PTSD associated with the breakup, seek the help of a psychologist.

Why Therapy Matters for Healing Broken Hearts

Couples therapy is effective in improving relationships, both marital and pre-marital. However, it can’t provide you with any guarantee that heartbreak won’t happen.

We see divorces all around us. Yet people still get married. Perhaps the current divorce rates are high, but still, people get married. Why?

To love and be loved is the core of being human.

While we can’t protect you against heartbreak, we want you to know that- it’s ok to get your heart broken. It is normal. It is painful. It feels like being dead while being alive. Koott is there to mend your broken hearts. We don’t make stronger hearts; we build better lives. We help build better and heartfelt relationships. If you’re experiencing heartache or know someone who is- book your session with Koott today.