Are you in a toxic relationship? Understanding Toxic relationships
- Ann Maria Thomson
- 19 hours ago
- 4 min read
Do you recall Govind (Asif Ali) from Uyare—the abusive boyfriend whose behavior and actions left deep psychological and physical scars on Pallavi (Parvathy Thiruvothu)?
The dark comedy-drama Jaya Jaya Jaya Jaya Hey brings into light the domestic violence and abuse faced by Jaya (Darshana) in her marriage and how she takes control of the situation.
Shammi (Fahadh Faasil) from Kumbalangi Nights is another classic example of a controlling, toxic husband.
The Malayalam film industry—and even world cinema—has beautifully captured the many shades of toxic relationships through powerful stories. Yet, despite seeing these realities on screen, many people still find themselves stuck in similar situations in real life. At Koott, our Malayali psychologists often meet individuals who struggle to understand what a toxic relationship truly means until it deeply affects their mental and emotional well-being. This is where online counseling in Malayalam can help you recognize the signs, rebuild your confidence, and take the first step toward healing.
What Is a Toxic Relationship?
Toxic relationships are characterized by frequent fights or arguments.
Do you think this is the true definition of a toxic relationship?
Well, the answer is NO. Toxic relationships are not the ones in which arguments or fights don’t happen. It is not a relationship in which tears don’t happen. Instead, toxic relationships are those in which the partner’s individuality, emotional well-being, safety, and respect are compromised. It is a relationship in which the dignity of the individual is not respected. It is a relationship in which you aren’t YOU.
If you have ever had a friend or someone you know in a toxic relationship, likely, they don’t observe the same red flags that you do. They might ignore the accusations or accept them and tell you, “It is nothing. This is common in relationships,” or “I will look into it and do something.” But you would see them being with the same person again. Why does this happen?
Why Do People Stay in Toxic Relationships?
The first and foremost factor is the fear of loneliness. None of us wants to be lonely, and therefore, they may stick to making the existing toxic relationship work.
They believe that they wouldn’t find another partner who would love, respect, and accept them the way they are. It is often rooted in anxious attachment styles.
The toxic partner is an expert in emotional or psychological manipulation, leading to trauma bonding and dependency on the abuser, which prevents them from leaving the relationship.
They hope that their partner will change, especially when positive behaviors occur sporadically or unpredictably.
They are financially dependent on the partner.
Social, cultural, or familial pressures to make the relationship work, including stigma or expectations around commitment.
Sustained toxicity in relationships can erode the person’s self-esteem, lead to depression, or feelings of unworthiness. They believe that they are unworthy of love and healthy relationships.
Are you in a Toxic Relationship?
These are the common signs of toxic relationships,
So if you answer YES to these questions, it is your alarm to reflect on your relationship.
Do you feel unsafe (not just physical, but can be emotional, such as not being able to open things to your partner) or on edge around your partner?
Does your partner constantly disrespect or humiliate you in front of friends, family, or others?
Are you the one who is always blamed when things go wrong (even if it is not your fault)?
Do they control all your actions, decisions, and relationships?
Do they isolate you from friends and family?
Have you ever experienced loss of other important relationships due to your partner?
Do they often manipulate you or demonstrate extreme possessiveness, obsessiveness, or controlling behavior?
Do you tiptoe around your partner, trying to avoid conflicts to prevent extreme reactions?
Have you personally experienced a decline in self-care and self-esteem (such as not pursuing your hobbies, meeting up with friends outside, etc.)?
Do you hope for a change in your partner or relationship?
It is essential to note that the toxic partner in your relationship might not just be your partner. It can sometimes be YOU. Answer the questions, replacing ‘your partner’ with ‘to find if you’re a healthy partner or not. For example, “Do I always blame my partner when things go wrong (even when it is not their fault)?”
Can a Toxic Relationship Be Fixed?
The answer depends on how much both partners are willing to make it work. When both individuals genuinely invest effort and commitment, even a toxic relationship can be transformed into a healthy one. It takes patience, consistent communication, and emotional growth to rebuild trust and connection. Seeking relationship counseling can provide the right guidance and tools to navigate this journey toward a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
The first step is to recognize the alarm signals and accept the reality of the situation.
Seek support from trusted friends, family, or mental health professionals. There is nothing to be ashamed of in asking for help. Support groups are available to help those in similar situations.
Learn boundary settings. It is a necessity. Set clear and firm boundaries to protect yourself, your mental and emotional well-being, which may involve limiting or cutting off contact.
Prioritize self-care by engaging in activities you enjoy, pursuing hobbies or passions, maintaining your health, and practicing mindfulness or meditation.
Effective communication is the key. Active listening, communication, and empathy can truly create a good relationship.
Psychological help is key to healing. Individual therapy is necessary to work through attachment issues, underlying traumas, and regain self-esteem.
Couples counseling can help in some cases, but the priority should be your safety and mental health.
Rebuild your life, your support network, and gradually reclaim hobbies, routines, and relationships lost during the toxic relationship.
If the relationship is extremely abusive or you feel unsafe, connect with hotlines, local organizations, or professionals specializing in relationship abuse for guidance and protection.
What if it continues to remain a toxic relationship despite our best intentions?
We have invested our maximum efforts, and despite this, if the relationship continues to remain toxic, it is your sign to end it. Your relationship shouldn’t ruin your life, your well-being, or who you are. It is a hard decision, a very complex, confusing, and difficult decision to make. But running away from it doesn’t make it any better.
We don’t want you to go through this alone. Koott is there for you.
We offer couples therapy sessions for both married couples and dating couples. We also provide individual therapy sessions for those wanting to assess and improve themselves.
Toxic relationships shouldn’t have control over your life.
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