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Writer's pictureShuhaima Hanna Katti

We Malayalees on Sex | Koott Sex-Ed

Updated: Jul 18


We Malayalees on Sex | Koott Sex-Ed

Behaviour let's talk about sex today!

“You know one thing? I never thought that I would be able to talk about sex without adding a Shhhhh.

It was very weird like that the time I thought the kids are born because we buy it from the hospital”.

“That's a thing in our society. Nobody talks and nobody let you talk. I remember asking, my mother, why Chechi is not dining with us some days. Can you guess Amma’s reply?” “Did she ask you to shut up and stated you are a child?”

“Exactly! Typical Amma Behaviour”

We Malayalees on Sex | Koott Sex-Ed

“It's all weird, some of my friends had experiences treating them as if it was their fault. Imagine having all cramps with guilt or shame. It's pathetic.”

“I know, along with all that body changes, for a long time I didn't know that having pubic hair is normal. Seeing that I didn't know whom to talk to, also when my Breasts were forming, it was shameful to go to school”.

We Malayalees on Sex | Koott Sex-Ed

“For me, I felt really dumb those days. No one ever discussed the changes then, but they expected me to understand and act wisely. My friends gave me a strange look to me when I asked my friend why that stain on her churidar. It's really embarrassing to look back to those days”




“I know…tell me how were your college days? Did you know anything about sex by then”

“Kind of, after going to hostel, I tried different means to understand, I no longer wanted to be dumb in front of my friends.”

“Means?”

“You know? Movies started with kissing, then continued the journey”

Cheeh, you are saying as if it's some great journey. For me I couldn't gather my courage to watch also, there was a guilty feeling to just watch kissing scene also”

“I won't say those movies are good, I had many faulty ideas of sex because of the exaggeration and unethical things in such movies. But that was the only medium”

“Was that helpful to you?”

“Not really, to talk it was, but in a real life I was dumb again, I still can’t think of my first experience, the anxiety of doing it right and the partner’s thought, every bit of that day is weird”


“For me, I was terrified on my wedding day, everybody was enjoying the food and music where I was expecting a man to do something where I was zero aware of that ‘something’. Now when I think of, if I knew about things, I wouldn't have that anxiety there”

“I agree, if we got the right knowledge about Sex, then it wouldn't have that of a problem anywhere”

“Still you are hesitating to say sex, we gotta learn a lot now also”

We Malayalees on Sex | Koott Sex-Ed

Growing up in a society where SEX should be taken with a whisper, we all might have gone through the situation with these two people. Our community take sex as a way of reproduction and put many unwritten rules on people. For example, a married couple should have sex for the bloodline of the family whereas intercourse between couples in their 40s is prohibited. The intimacy between the couple in their 40s is really beneficial for their mental health according to studies. But what is there for mental health in our community? Once you have children to look after, thinking about pleasure is a sin. Also, the word pleasure cannot be taken with sex according to those unwritten but rock-solid rule books. The uncertainty of teenage time is really problematic since the hormonal changes and bodily changes itself is a lot to handle for those. If adolescents have a proper idea about the changes, it will be reducing the stress and anxiety they have at that time. There are several scientific studies supporting the positive relationship between mental health and sexual relationship. If you have a proper idea about things, it will help mental health and hence societal health.

It is evident that Educating the unknown and seeking education for the uncertainty is the best cure for all these.

Sex education is a hot topic in recent Kerala, but it seems like the chef forgot to add rice to the bowl where the pot is burning hot.

We all are aware of these factors, but not yet working on them. There are several reasons, and one of the major reasons is the faulty assumption of SEX education as educating just about Sexual intercourse. Hence our ammavans disapproved.

But in reality, Comprehensive sex education includes various topics including (i) Human development, including puberty, anatomy, sexual orientation, and gender identity, (ii) Relationships, including self, family, friendships, romantic relationships, and health care providers, (iii) Personal skills, including communication, boundary setting, negotiation, and decision-making, (iv) Sexual behavior, including the full spectrum of ways people choose to be, or not be, sexual beings, (v) Sexual health, including sexually transmitted infections, birth control, pregnancy, and abortion, and Society and culture, including media literacy, shame and stigma, and how power, identity, and oppression impact sexual wellness and reproductive freedom. It has to cover all these broad areas once it is established in our society, it might help us to talk about mental health in easier aspects.

 

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