Why Does Saying No Feel So Wrong? Understanding Setting Boundaries in Relationships and Mental Health

Setting Boundaries in Relationships: Why Saying NO Matters

Situation 1: Your manager or colleague assigns a new task to you when you’re already busy preparing the presentation and reports for Monday’s meetings.

Situation 2: It’s Saturday evening. You had planned to take a rest by cooking some food and watching Netflix. Your friend will call you by 4:00 pm to inform you about a party. She wants you to accompany her to the club.

Situation 3: You’re the content creator in a company. The boss assigns you to do social media marketing, which is not part of your domain.

Now, will you say NO?

Or will you say YES and complete the task you don’t actually want to?

Most of us end up saying YES because saying NO often feels uncomfortable. It brings guilt, like we are being unkind, selfish, or uncommitted. But this is where setting boundaries in relationships becomes essential.

When you decline requests from your manager or friend, guilt may consume you. But remember: prioritizing your own needs is not wrong. It is part of self-care and boundaries that protect your emotional well-being.

Saying YES to something you don’t want may fix things temporarily. But in the long run, you lose—because you never learned how to say no without guilt. You never practiced setting healthy boundaries that protect your time, energy, and mental health boundaries.

Learning to say NO is not an act of rebellion—it’s an act of respect for yourself. When you practice this, you are valuing your needs, building stronger relationships, and nurturing your mental health.

What would have happened if you said NO in the previous situations?

1. You informed the manager about the tasks which you’re currently working on and let him know that you won’t be able to take up this task as well. This will help you avoid being burned out and allow you to concentrate on the presentation and reports for Monday’s meeting.

2. You inform your friend that you won’t be able to make it to the party since you’ve been tired all week and need rest. This enables you to perform self-care activities and give time for rest and recovery.

3. You informed your boss that social media marketing is not your forte, and you’re not qualified in the domain of social media marketing. You suggest redirecting the task to someone equipped or qualified to do this work.

Saying NO in certain situations isn’t just a choice—it’s a necessity for protecting your emotional well-being, improving your mental health, and maintaining healthy relationships. Think of setting boundaries in relationships like fencing around a garden. The fence doesn’t mean you dislike others; it simply protects what’s important inside. Do you feel guilty for building a fence around your garden? Of course not. Then why should you feel guilty for establishing healthy boundaries in your life?

Boundaries are the invisible fences that safeguard our emotional, physical, and psychological health. Practicing self-care and boundaries isn’t about being rude or distant—it’s about being clear on what is acceptable and what isn’t. In fact, learning how to say no without guilt helps you interact more positively with others and creates space for genuine, respectful connections.

Boundaries are a form of self-care, just like skincare or exercise. Boundaries mean saying “yes” intentionally and “no” when needed. 

Boundaries can be physical, such as protecting your personal space, emotional, like guarding your feelings, sexual, like defining your desires and comfort regarding intimacy, material, like protecting your finances, and workplace, like maintaining focus and not taking up additional tasks. Without boundaries, our values won’t be respected, we may feel exhausted, overwhelmed, taken advantage of or lose focus on our goals and priorities.

If you find it difficult to set healthy boundaries in your life, seeking support from a Mental Health Professionals can help you learn how to protect your mental health while maintaining positive relationships.

Have you ever wondered why setting boundaries feels so hard?

1. Social Conditioning-

We were taught to be disciplined, agreeable and helpful from childhood. This may prevent you from saying no when necessary because no can be seen as being arrogant or impolite, even when it is healthy.

2. Fear of Disappointing Others-

Deep down, humans crave the sense of belonging from those around them. This often manifests in people-pleasing behaviors.

People-pleasers often evaluate their self-worth based on how helpful or accommodating they are. ‘No’ seems like letting others down, like losing friendships or relationships.

3. Fear of Rejection-

Rejection anxiety can lead individuals to avoid setting boundaries because they believe setting boundaries might damage or break meaningful connections.

4. Internalized Responsibility-

Some individuals carry a false belief regarding their sense of responsibility. They believe that it’s their duty to ease everyone’s burdens, at the cost of sacrificing their own well-being.

Learning to establish healthy boundaries does not damage relationships; instead paves the way to building more fulfilling, long-lasting, and healthy relationships. Relationships where you’re respected, your limits are accepted, and appreciated.

How can I set Healthy Boundaries?

Here are a few steps to build boundaries:

1. Be self-aware- 

Notice the moments you feel uncomfortable, exhausted from taking on more duties. Reflect on your personal values and non-negotiable factors. Be aware of your needs and what makes you feel safe or uncomfortable. If saying YES in a situation makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s your sign that you need to establish boundaries there.

2. Simple, Direct Communication- 

Establish your boundaries directly and respectfully. You don’t always need to give justification. A clear “I can’t take this on right now” or “I need time to rest” is enough.

3. Practice Small Nos- 

Start small. Practice saying NO in low-stakes situations. This helps you build confidence to manage bigger situations later.

4. Refuse Over-Explaining- 

Resist the urge to accompany your “no” with an apology. You don’t need to apologize for holding space for yourself. Communicate calmly and respectfully.

5. Expect pushback and Maintain Consistency- 

The first time you set a firm boundary with someone who is used to you always saying yes, resistance is normal. Expect resistance coupled with criticism. Stay consistent. When you stay consistent, people will respect your boundaries.

6. Reframe your phrases- 

Instead of thinking, “I’m selfish for refusing to take up my colleague’s work,” try “I’m using my energy and efforts to build a better project and boost my productivity.”

For someone who has never set boundaries before, the process can feel uncomfortable at first. You might even feel like you’re being a bad person. But that initial discomfort doesn’t last long. Soon, it is replaced with something far more powerful—freedom. Freedom to decide what’s acceptable and to say no to what isn’t. Freedom to choose yourself and your well-being over endless duties and requests.

When you set boundaries, you protect your mental health, boost your self-esteem, and create stronger, more honest relationships.

Always remember—self-care isn’t selfish. It’s an essential part of holistic well-being. Prioritizing your needs doesn’t make you bad or selfish; it means you are standing up for yourself and valuing your own worth.

If you’re someone struggling to set firm boundaries, we’ve got you. Our team of psychologists can help you navigate your needs and support you in establishing boundaries.

Self-care doesn’t have to be hard work.

It’s a way of living.

Book your session with Koott today.