Signs of a Toxic Relationship: How to Know If Your Relationship Is Unhealthy

A lot of movies in recent times have been instrumental in bringing up the topic of toxic relationships. Movies like Uyare, where actor Asif Ali is portrayed as the obsessive-controlling boyfriend, or the character Shammi, portrayed by actor Fahadh Faasil in Kumbalangi Nights, brought into the limelight the often normalized and neglected signs of a toxic relationship. While discussions around toxic relationships have gained popularity, it is important that people understand in depth what a toxic relationship would look like in reality.

A toxic relationship is not a relationship where partners simply disagree with each other. It is not a relationship where partners argue or fight over everyday matters. A toxic relationship is one in which one or both partners feel anxious, ashamed, controlled, or emotionally exhausted.

There are no perfect relationships. And that is human nature. There will be fights, arguments, and differences in opinions. Conflicts are inevitable in every relationship. But how do we distinguish between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy relationship? In healthy relationships, partners learn from past mistakes, apologize, communicate openly, and resolve conflicts with calm and care. Relationships become toxic when harmful behaviors become repeated patterns. The same painful experiences continue without any intention to improve or change, causing significant emotional distress. These repeated toxic relationship signs should never be ignored.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship to Look Out For

1. Constant criticism 

   If your partner regularly mocks your appearance, choices, interests, or emotions, the relationship can slowly erode your self-esteem. In a healthy relationship, partners may disagree, but they never make each other feel worthless. Hurtful comments disguised as "jokes" about your appearance, opinions, or personality are major relationship red flags.

   
   

2. Controlling behavior

   In most toxic relationships, controlling behavior is assumed to be ‘care’ or ‘they are that way because they love me.’ Controlling your partner is not a sign of love or care, but a lack of respect. Examples include checking your phone, demanding to know your location, becoming angry when you spend time with family or friends, or trying to control what you wear, where you go, or who you talk to. A controlling partner limits your freedom, while a healthy partner respects your independence and personal boundaries.

   
   

3. Isolation

   You can feel lonely even while being in a relationship, and this is commonly seen in an unhealthy relationship. If your partner prevents you from seeing loved ones, makes you feel guilty for maintaining other relationships, or isolates you from seeking support, it is a major warning sign. Isolation prevents people from recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship, allowing unhealthy behaviors to continue. Healthy relationships encourage meaningful connections instead of controlling them.

   
   

4. Time spent together

   How do you feel after spending time with your partner? If you often feel drained, anxious, confused, or emotionally numb, that is something to look into. If you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells, trapped, fearful of speaking honestly, or unable to say ‘no’, this indicates that your relationship is doing more emotional harm than good.  

   
   

5. Manipulation

   Emotional manipulation is a common pattern in toxic relationships. This includes guilt-tripping, blame-shifting, gaslighting, silent treatment, threats to leave, or making you responsible for your partner's emotions and behavior. Over time, emotional manipulation makes you question your own judgment, memories, and decisions, gradually reducing your self-confidence.

   
   

6. Abuse

   If you experience emotional, psychological, sexual, or physical abuse, the relationship is clearly unhealthy. Even without physical injuries, emotional abuse in relationships can seriously damage self-worth, confidence, and emotional well-being. If your partner threatens you, pressures you sexually, intimidates you, or makes you fear them, the situation is no longer simply toxic—it may be an abusive relationship. At that point, your safety becomes the priority.

What to Do If You Notice Signs of a Toxic Relationship

If you are in a toxic relationship, it is high time that you act on it and not let the relationship further damage you.

• Acknowledge the toxic relationship 

  Often, the hardest part is convincing yourself that you have been hurt or damaged in a relationship with a person you love the most. A helpful way to convince yourself is to write down or journal the distressing behaviors, such as constant body shaming, criticisms, controlling other relationships, etc. Writing down gives you a sense of assurance that this is happening to you and it is real.

  
  

• Speak up

  If you can have an open conversation with your partner about what distresses you and your partner decides to change, it is well and good. The relationship has the potential to become a healthy one. But if your partner dismisses your needs, or disregards your boundaries even after opening up, then that relationship is something to think about.

  
  

• Seek support 

  Speak to somebody you trust – a counselor, family member, friend, or psychologist. When clients feel confused or "stuck" in a relationship, they can find clarity and emotional support through relationship counselling. The toxic relationship may be covert, concealed, and riddled with ambivalence. If physical or sexual abuse is suspected, report it immediately to organizations, support services, or the law enforcement authorities if you are in danger.

  
  

• Making the final call

  If you decide to end the relationship, do not rush but plan carefully. In unsafe situations involving abuse and threats, it may be advised not to announce your intention immediately. Think about practical matters such as housing, finances, transportation, shared accounts, important documents, and who you can contact for help. If there is any risk of violence, prioritize a safety plan and seek local or legal help.

Your relationship doesn’t have to be suffocating.

If you feel like you are in a toxic relationship, book your latest session with Koott today.