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Writer's pictureKarthika DR

Overcoming personal grief and loss | a mother's story

mother,s story

Aleena found out that she is pregnant for the second time, but here's the thing – it wasn't planned. Her first child was born just three months ago. Between adjusting to parenthood and dealing with marital issues, she wasn't exactly jumping in joy to the news.

As weeks passed by, things changed. Aleena warmed up to the idea of another baby and started enjoying these moments amidst the chaos of everyday life. She even started thinking about the ways to announce the news to her friends and family and pictured her little one as a big brother. But then, everything crashed down. At her ultrasound appointment, the technician's face fell as she scanned Aleena's belly and suddenly, the room became suffocatingly silent. Her doctor confirmed the worst – there was no heartbeat for the foetus. It was like her whole world turning upside down. The shock was palpable, leaving her numb and unable to comprehend what just happened. Tears welled up in her eyes as she struggled to come to terms with the devastating news. 

As days passed, the grief hit Aleena like a wave, threatening to drown her in sorrow. It was an all-encompassing pain, unlike anything she had ever experienced before. She felt lost and alone, grappling with a sense of emptiness that seemed to consume her from the inside out. But even in her darkest moments, Aleena found moments of solace. She found comfort in the support of her loved ones, leaning on them for strength and understanding. Even though the pain never truly went away, she learned to carry it with her, a silent companion of her journey through life. This is a tale of loss and grief, but also of resilience and hope. Even if you may not know her at all, her story reminds you that everyone you meet is fighting their own battle and finding a way to keep moving forward.


 self-care

Some tiny steps to overcome loss and grief


1.Practice self-care rituals: Make self-care a priority by getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and eating nutritious meals. Incorporate activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as meditation, yoga, or taking bubble baths.


2. Stick to a routine: Grief can disrupt your sense of normalcy, making it essential to establish a routine. Set consistent bedtimes and wake-up times, and try to eat meals at regular intervals. Completing simple tasks can provide a sense of accomplishment and control amidst the chaos of grief.


3.Attend to your emotions: Allow yourself to experience and process difficult emotions associated with grief. Avoid the temptation to distract yourself from your feelings by staying busy. Instead, find healthy outlets for expressing your emotions, such as journaling, storytelling, or engaging in creative activities.


4.Reach out to others: While it's okay to take time alone to grieve, it's essential to stay connected with supportive friends and family members. Remind yourself that you're not alone and that there are people who care about you and want to help. Don't hesitate to lean on your support network for emotional support and comfort.


5.Seek professional help if needed: If grief becomes overwhelming or significantly interferes with your daily life, consider reaching out to a therapist or grief counsellor for professional support. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your emotions and develop coping strategies to navigate the grieving process effectively.


How to support people in similar situation


1. Be present: Show your loved one that you're there for them by being available and attentive to their needs. Let them know that they can lean on you for support, whether it's through listening, offering a shoulder to cry on, or simply being present.


2. Offer practical assistance: Pay attention to ways you can help and offer your assistance proactively. Whether it's helping with household chores, running errands, or providing meals, your support can alleviate some of the burdens your loved one may be experiencing.


suppoeting people

3. Signal openness to talk: Create a safe space for your loved one to express their feelings by signalling that you're open to talking about their loss. Encourage them to share memories and stories of their loved one, and listen empathetically without judgment or interruption.


4. Avoid minimizing their loss: Be mindful of how you communicate with your loved one about their loss. Avoid minimizing their feelings  that may invalidate their grief. Instead, validate their emotions and provide a listening ear 


How personal grief is regarded in Kerala


In Kerala, grief is deeply intertwined with religious beliefs and practices. Whether Hindu, Christian, or Muslim, each faith offers rituals and ceremonies to honor the departed and console the bereaved. In Kerala, families and communities come together to support each other during times of grief. It's not just immediate family members who offer help and comfort – neighbors, friends, and even distant relatives lend a helping hand and provide emotional support. This sense of togetherness helps ease the pain of loss and reminds people that they are not alone in their grief.

Expressing emotions openly is encouraged in Kerala. When someone is sad or grieving, it's okay to cry, talk about their feelings, or simply be with loved ones. Malayalees understand that grieving is a natural process and that it's important to acknowledge and express their emotions rather than keeping them bottled up inside.

These practices help families cope with their loss and find comfort in their faith. Spirituality also plays a significant role in how Malayalees cope with grief. Many people find comfort in their religious beliefs, whether it's the idea of an afterlife, the belief in a higher power, or the notion that everything happens for a reason. These beliefs provide hope and solace during difficult times and help people make sense of their loss. 


On a personal level, everyone has their own way of coping with grief. Some people turn to prayer or meditation, finding solace in their faith and spirituality. Others seek support from friends and family members, sharing memories and stories of their loved ones. Engaging in activities like writing, painting, or gardening can also help people process their emotions and find moments of peace amidst the pain. Despite the sadness that comes with grief, there is also a sense of resilience and strength in Kerala. People here know that life goes on, and they find comfort in the memories of their loved ones. Through the support of their communities, the guidance of their faith, and the power of their own resilience, Malayalees find ways to navigate through the darkest times and emerge stronger on the other side.


For those seeking professional help, turning to the best Malayali psychologist can provide the expert support and understanding needed to guide them through their grief journey.


For someone with a gentle heart, the passage of time may not necessarily ease the pain of loss. Instead, memories may continue to evoke a profound sense of sadness, and everyday challenges may seem overwhelming. In a society where strength and resilience are often praised, those who are more emotionally vulnerable may feel inadequate or misunderstood. They may feel difficulty .


koott, malayali psychologist


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