How Social Media Affects Self-Esteem: Are We Living Our Lives or Performing Them?
Is it our life or our curated version of our lives that we are sharing with social media?
The social comparison, self-esteem and online identity connection has generated considerable debate. There has been a lot of discussion on the relationship between social comparison, self-esteem, and our online identity.
How long has it been since you saw something beautiful, but did not want to post it on Instagram or put a picture up on Facebook for someone?
Maybe it was a wonderful dinner, a vacation, a time with friends or even a quiet evening alone. Did you let yourself have fun with it or did a little part of you think it's too cool to be on Instagram?
Social media has altered the way in which we live. We're no longer living a moment, but capturing it, editing it, planning for the best shots, and sometimes even thinking about the possible reactions from others to it. A vacation is a series of photos, a celebration is a story, a mundane day is lacking in something to post if it is not a vacation.
It's not bad to feel like sharing our happiness. After all, man has always told stories of his life. However, at some point we are beginning to change the way we experience our experiences by sharing them with others.
And what about this: Is it our lives they are living, or are we learning to live them for them?
How Social Media Affects Self-Esteem Through Social Comparison
Picture this, you've come down from a long day and opened up Instagram and...You're thinking to yourself, after a long day, I open Instagram and... In no more than a few minutes, you will witness someone celebrating a promotion, another person travelling abroad, a friend announcing their engagement and someone else sharing their new home.
You are really pleased for them. However, a thought creeps into the back of your mind, though:
Am I falling behind?
This is a case of social comparison, which was discussed by psychologist Leon Festinger in Social Comparison Theory (1954). This theory holds that individuals make their own judgments based on the comparisons of their capabilities, accomplishments and situations with those of other people.
This is now an almost continuous process. Typically, comparisons were drawn only to those around us, or those that we had met in our world. Nowadays, we make comparisons with hundreds of people, with strangers we don't know much about.
The challenging part is that we're seeing the things that we see every day, and they're the highlights of someone else's reality.
We see a holiday and we don't see the money. We see the relationship anniversary but not the hard discussions. We see the success as a professional but not the years of uncertainty, rejection and doubt. Such comparisons may establish an unattainable and idealized notion of what a successful, attractive, happy or fulfilled life should be like.
Without realizing we start to compare our life with measures which were not made for us.
When Social Media Likes Start Defining Our Self-Worth
Ever post a picture and take a look at your phone several times throughout the day to see how many people liked it?
Or maybe you've removed a post because it didn't get the reaction you were looking for?
These experiences are more common than we might think.
Social media platforms provide instant social media feedback by way of likes, comments, shares, and views. These interactions can make us feel that we are appreciated and connected to others, but they can also affect the way we think about ourselves.
When attention is given, there may be a fleeting moment of feeling validated. If it doesn't, we may doubt our looks, popularity, or perhaps the worth of our contribution.
Over time, outside reactions can start to impact our inner value.
This is especially important if we take into account how we see ourselves, how we assess ourselves, and our self-esteem.
When we have healthy self-esteem, we are able to see and value ourselves without always having to have others tell us. If our sense of self is rooted too much in what others think or say, however, our feelings can begin to change in line with others' feedback.
We might feel better looking at a photo with hundreds of likes than one with little or no likes.
However, the value of our existence doesn't go up with the amount of “likes” that we receive, or down when someone scrolls past our picture.
The Pressure of Creating an Online Identity
And there is no way to quantify our value in terms of engagement.
The requirement to become who we are.The burden of being us. An interesting part about social media is that we are able to develop and build the online identity of ourselves.
We select our pictures to show the world, our experiences to tell them about, our opinions to give and our own selves to keep to ourselves.
The theory of self-presentation (1959) by psychologist Erving Goffman provides an intriguing insight into this behaviour. He proposed that social interaction takes place in the presentation of oneself in such a manner as to affect others' perception.
Social media extends this process into the digital world.
We may appear to be adventurous, productive, funny, successful or always happy. It's not necessarily any kind of cruel or manipulative trick. Every one of us has different facets of our personality and sharing what we don't is part and parcel of maintaining privacy.
But things can go wrong when the version of ourselves that we exhibit on the web starts to feel like the one we're supposed to be.
We might feel uncomfortable posting an ordinary day because it does not look interesting enough. We may hesitate to share our struggles because they do not fit the image we have created. Sometimes, we might even feel pressured to appear happy when we are not.
Eventually, maintaining an online identity can become emotionally exhausting.
The person behind the profile may be experiencing uncertainty, loneliness or disappointment, while the profile continues to communicate confidence and happiness.
And the gap between who we are and who we feel expected to be can become difficult to navigate.
The Impact of Social Media on Emotional Well-being
“He is always in the spotlight. He's always in the news.”
It isn't just the amount of time that we spend online. It is also about how we are psychologically changed when we come to see ourselves in the eyes of others.
We may begin to question whether an experience is worth having if nobody sees it. We might feel disappointed when a special moment does not receive enough attention. Even our personal milestones can start feeling incomplete without public acknowledgement.
This can rob us of an essential component of our lives: the experience of life without judging it from the perspective of what it looks like to others.
Often, when others are depicted as idealized, or when the constant comparison leads to feelings of inability, anxiety, dissatisfaction, and lower self-esteem, it may be a contributing factor.
It can make one consider the less energetic aspects of life that may not be captured in a snapshot or brief video.
A peaceful afternoon, a meaner but also more significant dialogue, a low small personal accomplishment, or merely getting through a bad day are not likely to presently be a post on social networking.
However, the experiences do not diminish in value.
Not all good things have to be performed for others.
Not everything meaningful needs an audience.
5 Ways to Build a Healthier Relationship with Social Media
This doesn't necessarily mean removing all those social media apps or simply saying we shouldn't post our experiences anymore. Social media can be a great place to be creative, connected, learn and belong.
It is important not so much with regard to the things that do not matter, but in relation to those things that do matter, that is, developing a healthier relationship with it.
Below are a few easy methods to start:
Notice your feelings after scrolling!
Rather than thinking about the amount of time you are spending online, notice how you feel after you spend time online. Are you inspired, connected, and informed or anxious, inadequate, and dissatisfied?
Emotions can provide a great deal of information about how you tend to do online.
Exercise living the experience without recording it.
Next time you're feeling happy, try to feel it without picking up your phone. Don't let go of being present. It is not necessary to capture all the significant moments as pictures.
Organize your online life.
Follow people who don't make you feel bad or push you to make comparisons. Join individuals and communities that are authentic, studying, and creative, and that foster authentic connections.
Detach the feeling of self-worth from acceptance on the internet.
Remember, likes, comments, and views are indicators of digital interaction, not indicators of who you are.
Allow for an offline identity.
Make investments in relationships outside of the online world, in hobbies and interests which are not related to online, and in experiences that do not happen online. Make yourself into parts that don't have to be presented to others or loved in order to be valuable.
Perhaps We Need to Be Present More Than We Need to Be Perceived
There is a difference between wanting to share our lives and feeling that our lives need to be worth sharing.
The former can bring us closer to people. The latter can slowly distance us from ourselves.
Perhaps the next time you experience something beautiful, you could pause for a moment before reaching for your phone. Notice the people around you, the sounds, the emotions and the little details you might otherwise miss.
It is possible to still take the photo. The memory can still be passed on. Let it be your experience, though.
But after all the things that really matter in life are not always the things that are talked about. Often it's those we remember feeling even if no one was around.
One question that I leave you with is this: If nobody could see, like or comment on your life, would you still be living it the way you are today?
Perhaps that is where a healthier relationship with social media begins.
Comments