Emotional Abuse by Partner

Not all wounds are visible—and some of the deepest cuts come from the people we love. Emotional abuse in a relationship can feel like walking on eggshells, constantly questioning your worth, or being made to feel “crazy” for speaking your truth. It’s silent, it’s manipulative, and it’s more common than we think. 

Domestic violence is a significant threat faced by women across the globe. WHO has stated that globally about 1 in 3 (30%) of women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime. Often at times, domestic violence or abuse against women is assumed to include just physical and sexual abuse. However today, a lot of awareness is being created about another widespread form of abuse- Emotional Abuse. 

In intimate relationships, emotional abuse is a prevalent issue. This has often been overlooked from time immemorial as normal within a marriage. While physical abuse leaves visible scars, emotional abuse leaves deep psychological scars that are hidden deep beneath. Emotional abuse involves a pattern of behavior by which the partner tries to control, manipulate, or frighten the other. It is characterized by actions, words, or behaviors that impair the self-esteem and confidence of the spouse over time. Conflicts within a marriage or intimate relationships are bound to happen. They’re normal and can arise from differences in both partners. However, it is important to note that conflicts or disagreements are not equivalent to abuse of any form. Emotional abuse is NOT OK. It is not normal to a relationship, but a threat to personal well-being. 

In the United States, nearly half of women (48.4%) report experiencing psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Most women are unaware of the existence of emotional abuse, mistaking it for something normal within intimate relationships. Hence, unlike physical and sexual abuse, limited statistics are available concerning emotional abuse faced by women. 

When Words Wound: Understanding Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse works by making the victim feel helpless. The abuser makes sure to ingrain the belief that it is the fault of the victim. 

Women experiencing emotional abuse from their husbands may notice the following signs:

• Starting arguments for no reason 

• Yelling, screaming, or swearing 

• Emotional outbursts and unpredictable behavior

• Monitoring activities of the wife, demanding passwords, or excessive checking up

• Isolating wife from her family and friends

• Gaslighting, manipulation, and denial of the victim’s experiences

• Withholding affection, appreciation, or approval as a form of control

• Threats, intimidation, or emotional blackmail

• Constant criticism, name-calling, or belittling

• Making jokes about their weaknesses or shortcomings and publicly embarrassing them in front of their friends or family

• Controlling finances or making all decisions

• Accusing the victim of infidelity or controlling her appearance and social interactions

• Blaming the wife for all their problems

Emotional abuse doesn’t happen at once, rather it develops gradually and can be subtle, making it difficult for women to identify and label their experiences as abuse. The abuser’s tactics may cause the victim to internalize blame, erode their self-worth and autonomy, minimize the abuse, or feel undeserving of support. They feel afraid and, in most cases, ashamed to open up to loved ones or a professional regarding these abusive behaviors. Stigmas attached to abuse within marriage can also prevent them from asking for help. Isolation from friends and family further adds to the problem, reducing support and opportunities for outside intervention.

The Silent Damage: How Emotional Abuse Leaves Its Mark

Emotional abuse can lead to negative consequences that are both physical and psychological. 

Psychological Effects

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Low self-esteem and self-worth

• Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness

• Shame and guilt

• Difficulty trusting others and forming healthy relationships

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

• Difficulty building or maintaining new romantic relationships

• Strained family dynamics and friendships due to isolation and trust issues

• Suicidal thoughts and even attempts

Physical Health Effects

• Increased risk of cardiovascular problems (e.g., heart disease, hypertension)

• Gastrointestinal issues (e.g., IBS, ulcers)

• Weakened immune system, leading to frequent illness

Rising Again: The Path to Emotional Recovery

The key steps towards healing and recovery from emotional abuse are:-

• Recognize and validate the abuse- Understanding the signs and naming the behavior as abuse is the first step towards recovery.

• Prevent self-blame- Do not blame yourself for the abuse you’re going through. You don’t deserve this, and it is not your fault that you’re treated this way. 

• Seeking help- Reaching out to therapists, support groups, or trusted loved ones can prevent feelings of loneliness and isolation.

• Setting boundaries- Learning to assert personal boundaries and stick by them, no matter the situation. 

• Prioritizing yourself- Self-care is essential for healing. Engage in activities that promote personal well-being, such as exercise, mindfulness, pursuing your hobbies, and adequate rest.

• Professional help- Psychologists can address the psychological trauma, rebuild self-esteem, establish boundaries, and help in developing coping strategies to move forward. 

Leaving an abusive relationship can be hard, especially if you’re married, have kids, and have shared assets. Several NGOs offer legal and mental health assistance in navigating this complex journey. If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional abuse, resources and hotlines are available to provide confidential support and guidance. 

Emotional Abuse is not something to be ashamed of.

Emotional abuse is not your fault. 

And you don’t deserve to be silent in your pain. 

While this can be a painful and difficult time, always remember,

You’re not alone. 

Koott is there for you!

Our trained psychologists and counselors can help you navigate this rough road through online counseling sessions. We focus on promoting personal healing through our sessions and exercises. We help you to establish boundaries and rebuild a stronger version of YOU.